This week The Phantom will take a closer look at a player who has graced W L Simpson Reserve with aplomb in “Player Profile”.
Born: Campbell Edward Dwyer
Height: 5ft 7
Hair Colour: Red / Slightly Blonde
Cam came to The Centrals and made a big impression, on and off the field straight away. Not lacking confidence, Cam made a stack of runs, snagged a load of wickets and created havoc constantly off the field. Decorated as; Club Captain, Club Champion, numerous other individual awards and many premierships. Cam also had a great knack of saving his best for the occasions where sleep wasn’t achieved the night before.
Whilst Cam’s achievements in the whites, wielding the willow, chuck’n down the pill and of course arguing with the umpires stack up against the best Centrals players ever. It’s his many antics off the field that The Phantom would like to take a closer look at today. For these have shaped the image of the man we call “The Big ‘C’, Strawb’s, Albi, Dicknose, etc…”
Here’s a mere ‘scratching of the surface’ of some of Cam’s more famous events at The Centrals.
Early on in the piece, when Steve Guy could have been mistaken for the messiah. Cam was getting quite excited after too many Ouzo and raspberrie’s (they sent Cam mad) and he was enjoying stirring Steve up about something or other. This went on for most of the night. Then, when Steve ventured into the old storeroom Cam locked him in. Steve kicked the door, screamed to ‘let me out,’ cussed furiously all to no avail. Cam kept saying back ‘I’m not letting you out until you say sorry.’ ‘I’m not saying sorry.’ And on and on it went. Once freed Steve performed the time honoured tradition of ‘storming from the rooms’ vowing to never return… Never being at least the next Saturday.
Another trait of Cam’s was to throw things at people in an incredibly dangerous way. Missiles could be anything from a stump, coleslaw, dirty jocks and of course the obvious cricket ball. On this occasion Cam decided it was a good idea to see if he could throw the ball from the guts of The Simpson Reserve into the club rooms. Wylie Austin and Mackay Anderson were quietly enjoying a few cold ones when the ball slid between the middle of their heads. It honestly would have killed one of them should it have hit. For those who know Wylie this didn’t go down to well! In the end it became a laugh of course.
The last tale I’d like to talk about is one I’ve been reminded of by sources close to The Phantom. The infamous ‘Arthur’s Poo’ story. In a tit for tat ‘prank off’ Cam was having with Stewie McDonald there was always going to be a final act. Training had finished, the teams read and the sun had gone down. Cam seemed sillier than normal. Stewie said his good-byes and walked out the door. Only a few seconds later you could hear Stewie yelling ‘uuuuuurrrrhhhhhh, ohhhhhhhhhh, Strawb’s you’re @#$%#$!!!’ It turned out Cam’s dog Arthur had done a bog earlier on. Cam scooped it up in paper and wiped it under the door handle of Stewie’s Car. In the dark Stewie didn’t know what he’d just put his hand in and smelled it!!! And so came the squeals…
As mentioned the above stories are simply scratching the surface. Ask Cam yourself about ‘Rhonda the mannequin’ and ‘Choc’s camera’
In researching this piece The Phantom sort comment from those who played with the man we call ‘Big C’. Here’s a smattering;
‘If he spent more time on his batting than his hair he could have been even better’ One said
‘I recall him singing Disco Inferno whilst coming into bowl. When the batter pulled away Cam asked “don’t you like Disco Inferno?”’ Another quipped.
‘He may just have had ADHD before doctors had a name for it, top Bat though’
‘He’s a red head and has been dying it for years.’
There were many other comments but The Phantom believes the may have been inappropriate to publish here.
So all in all Cameron Dwyer has had a stella career down at The Centrals. The Phantom Says: “While a man who looks like Albi Mangels and drinks Ouzo should not play cricket, sometimes the Gods get it wrong.” Think about that…
The Centrals Phantom – firstname.lastname@example.org